Breaking-up is very difficult. You can compare a break-up to a loss such as divorce or death. Navigating through a break up can be very challenging especially if it has been a long term relationship. Although length of relationship sometimes does not matter… it’s the intensity of the relationship and how invested you were.
Oftentimes we linger on in a relationship even knowing that it no longer serves us. Intellectually we know that the relationship no longer elevates us, challenges us nor brings out the best in us, instead it brings out the worst in us.
We stay in these relationships for so many reasons. Change and fear of the unknown can be so great that we are willing to live with the familiarity of the abuse even though it hurts us. Often people will jump into another relationship even before they are fully recovered from their existing relationship in order to avoid the pain, grief and healing process. Yet, it is with these difficult feelings that we can heal and get to a better place.
I normally tell my clients that if they haven’t fully understood why this relationship ended, what went wrong, what their triggers were, they will get into another one and repeat the exact same pattern. It’s important to realize that once you have experienced a break-up, you are in a vulnerable state. You are in a grieving mindset.
For example, if you are coming out of a verbally abusive relationship, hearing someone new compliment you can lead you right down the same path in no time. Why? Because you haven’t fully grieved nor healed and perhaps haven’t had enough time to understand the reasons you stayed in the relationship for as long as you did.
Be patient with yourself and allow yourself all the time you need to heal. If you believe that you are hurting too much, it’s best to talk to someone. You could be grieving the relationship for so many reasons including fear of being alone, fear of dating again, low self esteem, feelings of rejection and abandonment.
It is so important that you take care of yourself during this time. Treat yourself to a massage, attend a yoga class, go to the gym, journal, and involve your friends in your plans. During this time it is especially helpful to have a good support system and not isolate yourself.
Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Ave., Scotch Plains has a team of licensed professionals available day, evening and weekend hours who can help. Visit www.hellenictherapy.com or call 908-322-0112.
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