Did you ever feel that all you wanted was to have a good cry, but the tears wouldn’t come; that the sadness was piling up behind your eyes, inside your chest, down to your finger tips with no relief in sight; that you just wanted to run and run not only away from yourself, but from the fears and angst that seemed to possess you?

I’ve felt that way for a long time now and hope that by writing it down and sharing it with you we might fight it together.  Readers and writers are kindred spirits.  My words may reach some of you who recognize these sensations and know you are not alone.  Seeing them in print may help to expiate their hold on me and make us all healthier.  I hope so.

Seasoned Citizens find change very hard to deal with.  Too much trauma in our lives leaves us shaky and we don’t recover from it as quickly as when we were younger.   That alone creates more trauma because in our heads we’re still who we were and not who we’ve become.  We feel disappointment with ourselves for not being able to cope; disappointment becomes anger and when turned inward only adds to our feelings of discontent.

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A long time ago I wrote that these were the ‘rusty years’ rather than the ‘golden years’.  Our ‘hot dates’ are now people in white coats with stethoscopes around their necks.   As the world grows closer and closer it seems to grow farther and farther away from us.  As attentive as some of our children are, they have their own lives and we must adjust to their time tables.  We find new meaning in “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”.  We can no longer be as independent as we once were and that alone causes the anger to fester within us and break down our defenses.  We’re definitely between a rock and a hard place.

I guess you’re looking for a solution.  I don’t have one.  Many people rely on drugs to ease their psychic discomfort.  If they help you, fine.  That’s not for me.  We must each find our own way.  I have written this column to reach out to all my contemporaries, my peers, just to say you are not alone.  I try to live by Robert Frost’s words, “The best way out is always through”.  It may take a bit longer than I’d like but I think just by sharing with you I have taken a big step toward helping myself…and with daylight growing stronger, the nights won’t seem so long.  I’ll use the sunlight to brighten my mood and, hopefully, lift the gloom from my heart…as well as from yours.

Contact Adrienne at: ergosum1@comcast.net