Lost In Suburbia

One More Doggone Diet

“I caught the dog looking at himself in the full-length mirror today,” I said to my husband. “I think he’s feeling a little self-conscious about his thighs. And he’s worried about putting on weight over the holidays.”

“The dog is worried?” my husband asked.

“Yes, he's noticed that he’s put on a few pounds since Halloween and he wants to make sure he doesn’t get any heavier.”

Sign Up for E-News

“The dog said that?” my husband asked.

“He did. He’s going to go on a diet, and I decided to do it with him to give him some support.”

“That’s very nice of you, honey.”

“I know,” I replied. “I’m thoughtful that way.”

It was true, actually. The dog had put on a little weight. But I was the one who was binging on leftover Halloween candy and I was the one who was having trouble fitting into her skinny jeans. Now, with Thanksgiving looming, I needed to stop and face the music so I did not end up gaining so much weight this season that I would look like the holiday turkey.

I had heard that you’re more likely to succeed on a food and exercise plan if you do it with a friend, so I decided to enlist the help of a partner. I wanted someone who would go along with whatever exercise I decided to do, who wouldn’t scold me if I cheated on my diet, and would be a willing participant in any hair-brained, get-thin-quick scheme I came up with.

So, I drafted the dog. And blamed it on him.

“The dog needs to lose a few pounds,” I said to the vet at our next visit. “What do you recommend?”

“You can cut down on his food intake,” she suggested.

“Oh, but then won’t we, I mean, he be hungry?”

“He’s a dog. He’s always hungry,” said the vet.

“Yes,” I sighed. “We are. I mean, he is.”

The vet looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“Or we could switch him to a lower-calorie kibble and you can supplement with carrots and string beans,” she said.

“That might work,” I replied. “I like carrots. I mean, the dog likes carrots.”

The dog thumped his tail. The vet gave me the side-eye.

“You know, a lot of times dogs gain weight because of too much snacking. Do you think that might be the problem here?” she asked.

“Definitely,” I replied.

“If you cut down on the snacks, you probably wouldn’t need to change the meals.”

“Really? You think so?” I asked enthusiastically.

“Yes. Stop snacking and get more exercise,” she said.

“I can do that!” I exclaimed. “I mean, I can help the dog with that.”

The vet and I lifted the dog off the examination table.

“I think with a few small changes, the ‘dog’ will drop the weight pretty quickly,” she said and winked at me.

“Thanks so much,” I said to her as I put the dog’s leash back on him. “I’m sure the dog appreciates your advice.  Do you have any other suggestions?”

“Yes,” she replied…

“Get rid of the leftover Halloween candy.”

Looking for more Lost in Suburbia? Become a fan on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Somers

'We'll Have Meals Together'

A few days ago, I watched a rerun of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” In this particular episode, brothers Raymond and Robert went head to head over who would take care of their mother, Marie, during her later years (anticipating that father, Frank, would predecease her).

It brought back the decision Jack, Roe and I were faced with years ago regarding our mom. She was in her 80s, lived ...

Weather or Not

Feb. 2 has come and gone and once again, we have foolishly entrusted a large rodent with six weeks worth of weather forecasting. This year they had a whole entourage of guys who wanted to cram into the Groundhog Day action, but there’s one head groundhog aficionado who’s in charge when they open up Punxsutawney Phil’s cage. Both man and beast are dressed to the nines, one in a ...

The Night They Raided Spruce Street

It was the day of the Finch Ball. Jason had been away on business, but was expected home in time for us to attend that evening. 

I had graduated from Finch College two years earlier and was now married and expecting my second child. We lived in a one-bedroom garden apartment in Yonkers. It was a close community where everyone was young, friendly and just starting out. Each town house was ...

Should Valentine's Day Be Celebrated at School?

Dear Dr. Linda,

I’ve been a third-grade teacher for over 20 years and have never allowed my students to celebrate Valentine’s Day in my class. I know my colleagues think I’m mean, but I’m refusing to celebrate it for many reasons.

1) Children hand out cards to each other and there’s always some child left out or who gets very few; 2) Children are always asked ...

I Love 'I Hate Halet'

Let’s face it, folks. Not everyone loves Shakespeare. Not even all actors. Andrew Rally is one of them. In fact, where there’s a Will, there’s a way Andrew will find to avoid acting in one of those famously timeless plays. And for good reason. Shakespeare tests, to the fullest, an actor’s mettle, and Andrew is strictly a TV actor.

He has just ended a star turn in the ...

I Am Woman, Hair Me Roar

When you have short hair, it is inevitable that you will spend an inordinate amount of time growing your hair out and then getting fed up and cutting it again. I have been down this hair-brained road several dozen times before, complaining for months until I am convinced my husband is going to cut it all off while I sleep just so he doesn’t have to listen to me whine about it one more ...

Upcoming Events

Sat, February 24, 10:00 AM

Jefferson Valley Mall , Yorktown Heights

Yorktown Indoor Farmers Market

Food & Drink Health & Wellness

Sun, February 25, 10:30 AM

Yorktown Heights

Kids Hamantash Bake

Religions And Spirituality

Mon, February 26, 7:00 PM

Westchester Collaborative Theater, Ossining

WCT Scene/Monologue Study Open For Enrollment Now

Arts & Entertainment Education Other

The Somers Record Shines a Light on 'Great' Community

February 9, 2018

To the editor,

How amazing to see my sister-in-law, Kim Maguire, on the cover of the Record!

We read our paper religiously! Last week, we saw our daughters' picture as volunteers at the Chili Cookoff! This is such a tight-knit community and having articles like the one done for Kim highlight some of the great people and servicemen and women who make this town so special. The writer who ...

Cuba Goes Country

February 16, 2018

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

RELEASE: “Cuba Goes County” to be held at The Palmer in Cuba, NY.

For more information or to schedule and interview, contact Theater Manager Michele Conklin at (585) 209-5512.

The Palmer Opera House is hosting “Cuba Goes Country” on Sunday March 11th- at 2:00 PM

Come join us for a boot stompin', toe tappin' afternoon of country ...

'Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?'

February 15, 2018

Faye M. DeSanto

Guest Columnist

I never watched the hit TV Show “Mad Men.” My best friend, who rarely watches TV, recommended it to me when it was gaining its first good reviews. I said, “I lived through that time period. I can see no good coming from reminding men about that sexist era.” Little did I know how right I was.

My husband drooled over the short-lived ...