Man Overboard

August 14, 2018

As a public service to my readers I like to go to a place I’ve never been before, spend a couple days, see the sights and file a full report so you can decide for yourself if you want to go there. And since I’m not there any more, this would be a great opportunity for you to go. This time we ...

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Last week it was announced that the Daily News had laid off half its editorial staff. The parent company, the aptly named Tronc, Inc., explained that the layoffs were necessary in order to focus on its online media. If you plan to get all your news online, you probably know by now that the internet ...

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I had such fun being a stagehand last time at the Pleasantville Music Festival, I decided to join Adam and the group again this year. It’s a day of music, community, food and a relaxed atmosphere that’s conducive to just hanging out with friends, old or new. There were popular headliners, great ...

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Last Friday was such a nice day we decided to head down to Tarrytown and take in some jazz in Pierson Park for the Friday Evening Concert Series. If you’re in the mood for it, a little jazz can be just the thing. Much of it is instrumental, so you don’t even have to sing along. Every time I see a ...

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Last week, on the 4th of July, America turned 241 years old. Did you bring a birthday present? What do you get for the country that has everything? It has amber waves of grain, it has purple mountain majesties, it has oceans white with foam. Most of these  assets are highly leveraged to the Chinese ...

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Ask anyone from any foreign country what their favorite sport is, and they will answer quickly and enthusiastically: FOOTBALL! Unfortunately, they’re not talking about real football, they’re referring to that silly game Europeans play, where they run from one side of a large field to another, ...

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My sisters and I get together every year for a weekend at the Jersey Shore, with their kids and spouses, and this year we decided to do something a little different. We signed up for one of those “escape rooms,” where they put a group of you into a room and you have to figure your way out using ...

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Welcome back to our little trip across these great United States. We left off somewhere on Route 90, heading out of Cleveland. So glad to have you following along, and frankly, if you’re following I’m just glad you’re not the cops. On the way to Chicago I found myself driving 70 miles an hour, ...

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Nothing captures the imagination of the American traveler like a good old-fashioned road trip. It reminds me of when I was a kid, packing the car for our annual family trip to Atlantic City. My primary function was to complain that there was not enough snacks and Hawaiian Punch to last the epic ...

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My neighbor’s son and daughter-in-law had a “reveal party” last Saturday. I already know that my neighbor’s kid is a boy, so the reveal must have been for their grandkid. When it was time for the big event, the soon-to-be Dad lined himself up, took a nice backswing and hit a golf ball, which ...

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A stink bug landed in my coffee cup. This was disconcerting to me because I then had to add another Sweet’n Low. The bug didn’t seem to notice. These pests have once again infiltrated our house, in spite of a complicated security system that includes an attack dog that cannot, repeat CANNOT be ...

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Because of my deadline, I’m writing this before the fact, but I never received my invitation to the royal nuptials last Saturday. Not even ONE invitation. Nothing. I was camped out at the mailbox all week, and even had a tip for the mailman, and also one from Christmas, which must have gotten lost ...

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I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic for the bygone era of listening to a baseball game on a crappy-sounding transistor radio. I define nostalgia as the feeling you get when your memory of something is better than what it actually was. I don’t need to bother mustering any warm feelings for the ...

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March Madness seems to be getting madder and madder each year, and there’s going to come a time when the whole month is given a full mental evaluation and finally committed to a psychiatric institution. It’s no secret that March is bipolar. One day it’s acting like a lion. The next day it’s ...

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My bicycle went on the fritz for a week and I had to ride the subway from Grand Central to work. Is there anything I hate more than riding the subway? Yes: cauliflower, but if I could have ridden a cauliflower to get to work instead, I would have done it. Whenever I take the subway I find myself ...

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I don’t want to sound like I’m gloating, but while you were wondering when your power was going to return, I was gallivanting off to the beach in the Dominican Republic. Right now I don’t want to make light of a situation where people have no lights. But I heard there was a bombogenesis coming and ...

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In early February, from somewhere deep in Florida, near the principal’s office, a call comes out over the PA system: “Pitchers and catchers please report as soon as possible!” And from all over the land, they drop what they’re doing and head to the Sunshine State, the only people under 50 to arrive ...

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Watching the Olympics inspired us to go skiing last weekend, so we headed up to the Catskills for a weekend of outdoor sport. In my head, I’m flying down the slope, my hair flowing in the breeze, the sound of cowbells urging me to go faster and faster. How did all those cows make it this far up the ...

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For those of you who are too busy to watch the Winter Olympics this year, I have been covering the events for The Somers Record. It all started with the opening ceremonies, which, using complicated special effects and choreography, told the story of five Korean children who travel from the past to ...

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Feb. 2 has come and gone and once again, we have foolishly entrusted a large rodent with six weeks worth of weather forecasting. This year they had a whole entourage of guys who wanted to cram into the Groundhog Day action, but there’s one head groundhog aficionado who’s in charge when they open up ...

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My first cousin once removed, Ann, is a member of the Hudson Chorale, a 70-voice singing ensemble performing works of classical music as well as modern and popular pieces. We went to hear it perform Franz Joseph Haydn’s “The Creation” in its original German language form. First of all, I couldn’t ...

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An old phrase you hear all the time is, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” It’s used to describe a situation where someone is using a whole lot of subterfuge and obfuscation to hide the fact that they’re doing something in secret that is obvious to the rest of us. For instance, Trump telling ...

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I recently found myself flush with cash, which was lucky because I was looking all over the place for myself in that condition. We decided to meet up with our friends Paul and Krista to see if the local casino could help alleviate the problem. We could get some dinner, bet on the horses, have a ...

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DON’T leave your house! If you do you will be swept away by a “bomb cyclone,” swallowed up by a polar vortex and spit out onto 125th Street, where you will be lost in white-out conditions before succumbing to black ice. It all started two weeks ago, when we experienced a weather event so severe ...

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If you’re looking for “fake news,” you will not find it here. The following stories are so ridiculous that they could not conceivably be fake. It’s my job as a journalist to uncover them, bring them to you and then cover them up again as soon as possible, after first burning them in a fire pit to ...

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Yes, 2017 was a trying year. I tried it myself, and I didn’t like it much. But there were many stories that flew way under the radar and almost crashed into a parked car. I consider it my job to bring these stories to you, and I urge you to look them up and see if you can’t make any sense of them ...

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Every year we go through this same charade: Four days before Christmas, me and a bunch of other guys, say about 160 million of us, walk around the malls in America with an empty shopping cart and a vacuous look on our faces. We stare straight ahead, walking stiffly around the store, narrowly ...

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We went to see “A Prairie Home Companion” at the Town Hall in Manhattan last Saturday, as we do every year around Christmastime. It’s a great excuse to get into the city, have a look at the Rockefeller Center tree and soak in some holiday cheer. I find it surprising that New York City has a Town ...

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We’re having a little trouble staying current on our holiday spirit. We are just now feeling our Thanksgiving spirit after finally exorcising our Halloween spirit. So we headed over to the Somers Christmas tree lighting ceremony last Sunday to try and catch up. You could see the cheerful, dancing ...

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Honey, if you’re reading this, don’t read this. Skip over to the Tuskers’ sports scores, because I need some advice on how to shop for your Christmas present. Back in the olden days I used to drive over to Macy’s at the mall, full of vigor and holiday spirit. Since there was no available parking ...

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