Alternative Bowl

Well, it is finally here.  Super Bowl LI.  Super Bowl 51.  
This year the Super Bowl is expected to be watched by 100 million people worldwide over mainstream media.  
If you believe in alternative facts, this number is slightly less than the number of people that attended President Trump’s inauguration in January.
Super Bowl LI is the fiftieth anniversary of the first Super Bowl, which in 1967, didn’t even have a roman numeral attached.  In fact, it won’t be until Super Bowl LVI that we can celebrate 50 years of Super Bowl roman numerals because the first four Super Bowls were assigned roman numerals retroactively after Super Bowl V.
This according to color commentator, Kellyanne Conway.
For the uninitiated, the Super Bowl is a sporting event held one Sunday each year in which people gather in bars and in their family rooms in front of widescreen televisions to watch two football teams that most people don’t really care about battle it out for the title of Super Bowl champion and a chance to wear monstrous rings that are too big for the player’s fingers.  
It is a unique opportunity to watch commercials, drink beer, eat food that is unhealthy, and still have a valid excuse to go to work the next day hung over.  

And if you happen to live in the town supporting the Super Bowl winner, you also have the opportunity to stay up all night and jump on cars parked in the street.
At least that is what it looks like on TV.
If you believe in alternative facts, these unruly people are nothing more than whacko holdovers from the Women's March who didn’t vote.  
This year’s Super Bowl matchup is between the New England Patriots against the Atlanta Falcons.  To keep them strictly partisan in the big game, the Patriots from Massachusetts will be wearing blue while the Falcons from Georgia will be wearing red.
The game will be played in Huston, Texas at NRG stadium, formerly Reliant stadium, home to rodeos, monster trucks, and the Houston Texans, formerly the Houston Oilers before they up and moved to Tennessee.  NRG Energy is a redundantly named American energy company headquartered in both Houston and New Jersey that can’t decide how to properly spell energy.  
If you believe in alternative facts, NRG is roman numeral for 633 ½.  
In the big game this year all eyes will be on the quarterbacks.  The Patriot’s Tom Brady, the winningest postseason quarterback of all time, is appearing in his seventh Super Bowl game after winning four.  He has led his team to 14 division titles, been selected to 12 Pro Bowls, been awarded Super Bowl MVP 3 times and league MVP twice, and deflated footballs at least one time that we know of.  
Brady is 39 years old and wears number 12.
If you believe in alternative facts, Brady is 93 and wears number 21 and is vastly overrated as an actor. 
On the other side of the aisle for the Atlanta Falcons is quarterback Matt Ryan.  Ryan is making his first Super Bowl appearance after an incredible season in which he threw for 38 touchdowns and 4,944 yards.  He is the odds on favorite to win league MVP, and according to the biased mainstream press, a Super Bowl win would cement his reputation as one of the best to play the game.
Of course, neither of these quarterbacks can do it alone.  And they have great offenses behind them and opposing defenses to potentially wreak havoc on their bids for success.  Look for outstanding play from names such as Julian Edelman, Julio Jones, Malcom Butler, Vic Beasley, and several others who are still waiting to be confirmed to their positions in Congressional Hearings.
And what would the Super Bowl be without half time entertainment besides a 30 minute bathroom break?   This year football fans will be treated to a stunning show put on by none other than Lady Gaga, who sang the National Anthem in Super Bowl 50.  This is a dream come true for the 30-year-old Gaga, who according to questionable news reports has wanted all her life to perform at a Super Bowl.
If you believe in alternative facts, Lady Gaga was indeed hoping all her life to perform in the Super Bowl, but as a top-rated quarterback.
Of course the big question of the day is who is going to win?  Obviously we don’t know and that is what Super Bowl Sunday is all about.
But the oddsmakers have the Patriots winning by 3 points.
So if you have placed a sizeable bet with someone in Las Vegas with no neck and large forearms, I would encourage you not to bring up alternative facts.
Enjoy the game.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of or anyone who works for is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

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