Dad in the Box

August 7, 2018

I am an artist.  It says so on my T-shirt. My colorful shirt, which significantly inflates my position in life, confers great status.  For one, it announces that I am a musical performer at the up and coming Montclair Jazz Festival.  This separates me from the thousands of other festival goers ...

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How much wood wouldn’t a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck woodn’t?   Enough already.     I get it.  It is an easy mistake to make, misusing would and wouldn’t.  It happens to me all the time.   “Honey, when I said I didn’t see any reason why I would go to the ballet, I ...

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It was close to 70 minutes into the match and I had to go to the bathroom.  Badly. As fans watching the World Cup know too well, bathroom breaks are a serious dilemma, especially for those who don’t have a TV in the loo.  This biological necessity is exasperated by beer, which during World Cup ...

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The last of my children graduated from high school.     My son and daughter threw their caps high into the air and cheered their liberation from one symbolic institution before contemplating their matriculation into other, much larger institutions significantly further away.     Or at ...

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Leslie. . . it would be the bomb . . .  if we could go to prom . . . together.   For the record, Leslie is my wife, and this is my openly public attempt at a promposal.     My twin high school seniors taught me about promposals, those cute, showy, and sometimes over-the-top ways of ...

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I went to a big wedding over the weekend.  It was in England. I like to think I was invited, but according to the Royal Guards and the Thames Valley Police I was not.  But more about that later. You see, not too long ago I received an evite addressed to me from H&M@royalwedbot.co.uk.

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Warning! Nothing you read here will spoil Avengers: Infinity Wars because I didn’t understand it. As a vibrant, relevant, totally hip and “with it” dad I am proud to say that I have now seen every movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  All nineteen of them. I am less proud to admit that, of ...

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I teenaged my way through high school under the assumption that my parents had no idea what I was doing.  I like to think I was pretty good at withholding information and presenting situations in ways that were other than they really were.   Still, sometimes they found things out.  Like the ...

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I find the possibility intriguing that I might be politically influenced just because I “liked” a few goofy cat videos on Facebook.  But then, I also find it intriguing that “like” is now a verb.   I have long accepted the idea that data about me is roaming free in the vast wilderness of ...

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Two ducks are on a flight to Miami.  The first duck says to the second, “you flying south for the winter?”  The second duck replies, “Oh wow, a talking emotional support duck!”   Pa rum pum.   There have been a lot of news stories lately about animals traveling on airplanes.  Some are ...

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