Dad in the Box

Avenging Movie Credits

c42295d42207a2a0b2fc_thanos-credit.jpg
c42295d42207a2a0b2fc_thanos-credit.jpg

Warning! Nothing you read here will spoil Avengers: Infinity Wars because I didn’t understand it.

As a vibrant, relevant, totally hip and “with it” dad I am proud to say that I have now seen every movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  All nineteen of them.

I am less proud to admit that, of those Marvel movies that I can remember, I didn’t understand any of them.  Too many characters. Too many plot lines. Too many details to keep track of. Too much time between movies.

Sign Up for E-News

Too many movie credits to sit through.

Not that I care all that much, but it means that being vibrant, relevant, hip, and “with it” has its limits.  And mine are disturbingly evident.

Fortunately, I still have kids around the house to jog my memory whenever a new Marvel movie comes out.  And when I say jog my memory, what I really mean is they remind me of how little of the Marvel Cinematic Universe I have retained over the past ten years since I first saw Iron Man with them.

Iron Man was about a womanizing billionaire with a huge ego who ultimately takes credit for saving the world.  Not only did Iron Man spawn the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it apparently spawned the equally prolific White House Cinematic Universe.  

After that was Thor and Hulk and Captain America and Spiderman and Ant Man and Star-Lord and Dr. Strange and Black Panther.  Think Village People with superpowers.

And some lesser superheros too.  Like Falcon and Hawkeye and Vision and Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, who despite her star power, is still a superpower short of getting her own movie.

And if you sat through the lengthy credits of Iron Man you would have known through a cleverly injected trailer, somewhere between a list of the makeup artist chauffeurs and the security guards at Marvel, that this group would later become the Avengers.

It is not entirely clear what the Avengers avenge, but they do fight a lot of really powerful foes and in the process level buildings and streets and entire cities causing billions of dollars in damage.  Fortunately the movies gross enough to easily cover the replacement of Manhattan, which the Avengers destroyed saving us all from a giant mechanical flying worm in the Battle of New York.

And of course, all the construction workers were listed in the credits.

Because among other things, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has introduced the world to incredibly long closing movie credits which are broken up with teaser trailers that foreshadow or explain important plot lines.   To watch a Marvel movie is to sit through a scrolling telephone directory in order to watch a 20 second plot line clue for an upcoming Marvel movie.

What happened to the days when you could walk out when a movie was over?  

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for giving credit where credit is due, but I don’t really need to know all 25 people who work for the caterer that fed the Incredible Hulk.

Where was I?  Oh yes, my kids.  Every time there is a new Marvel movie coming out they remind me of all the important stuff I either have forgotten or failed to understand from the previous movies.   

Recently, they helped me prepare for Avengers: Infinity Wars.

It didn’t help.  I still didn’t fully understand the movie and had to sit through 15 minutes of credits to watch a trailer that I also didn’t understand.  But there was lots of destruction. So all in all, it was a great movie.

So here is what you need to know in order to be less confused than I am.  

There is a big, bad purple linebacker named Thanos who is after some insanely powerful gemstones that he can lodge into the knuckles of his glove so that he can destroy half the universe.  Fortunately for us, it is the half of the universe that doesn’t have movie theaters.

The Infinity Stones are singularities that formed in the universe just before the Big Bang, when Disney purchased Marvel.  The only thing older than the Infinity Stones are the Rolling Stones.

There are six Infinity Stones:  The Power Stone, the Time Stone, the Space Stone, the Reality Stone, the Mind Stone, and the Kidney Stone.  Or maybe it is the Soul Stone. I can’t remember.

Anyway, I am not spoiling anything here because apparently the six Infinity Stones have been revealed in previous Marvel movies, I presume somewhere in the closing credits.

And that is really all you need to know.  So sit back and enjoy the carnage. And if you can explain the plot line to me, I will gladly give you a scrolling credit in my next Marvel movie review.

Special thanks to Bob, who sold me popcorn at the theater.

 

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

West Orange

Evolve Cycle And Fitness Presale Happening Now!

May 18, 2018

CALDWELL, NJ - Evolve Cycle and Fitness is now offering 10 classes for only $90. That’s only $9 a class when you purchase before its official Grand Opening on Friday, June 1, 2018. 

Only two weeks left to take advantage of this limited time offer! Call Martha at 973-979-5919 or click here to sign up.

Evolve Cycle and Fitness is a Premier Fitness Boutique ...

Save Up To 20% at CNP Treasures

WEST ORANGE, NJ — Are you still looking for the perfect gift for your mom or that special someone in your life for Mother's Day? Then CNP Treasures has you covered! Save up to 20% at CNP Treasures located at 14 Northfield Ave in West Orange.

Come by this weekend so we can help you find the perfect gift! Offer expires Sunday, May ...

Montclair HS Student Reported Sexual Assault in All-Gender Bathroom, Officials Say

May 17, 2018

MONTCLAIR, NJ - According to published reports on Wednesday, Montclair Police officials are investigating allegations of sexual assault reported to have occurred in a bathroom at Montclair High School.

Montclair police officials state that officers received a report about an incident at the high school of a sexual nature that occurred around 3:18 p.m. on Monday. The ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_3dd755d9dc476b5f4dc3_unnamed__4_

Mon, May 28, 8:00 PM

West Orange High School, West Orange

Board of Education Meeting

Community Calendar Education

Carousel_image_28c899d8572458eda4f7_mini_magick20180422-110109-8dtxfl

Tue, May 29

Essex County

Primary – Vote by Mail deadline

Carousel_image_a6317549d4614cf34367_unnamed__5_

Tue, May 29, 6:30 PM

Council Chambers, West Orange

Township Council Meeting

Clarifying Points Made in Article About WOHS Air Quality Issues

May 14, 2018

Dear Editor, 

I am the advisor to West Orange High School's student newspaper, The Pioneer. My Editor-in-Chief, Anna Favetta, is the student who researched the topic and wrote the article bringing this issue to light. She worked on the article for 4 months before she had adequate and proper information for it to go to print. 

An article on the BOE presentation of the ...

What It Means to Me - A Baseball Story

We are all in amazement of the dedication and talent of our young West Orange athletes. One of the goals of our youth sports programs is to develop our players so they are ready for high school and are prepared for success at that next level of play. Throughout the course of the year we will be featuring some of our talented young athletes and coaches. This week we have the perspective of ...

West Orange On Three!

The spring season is in full swing, and we are excited to debut this new column focusing on all things youth sports!  We thought we would kick things off with an overview of the programs West Orange has to offer, and then go behind the scenes to see what makes youth sports tick.

West Orange Police Athletic League (PAL) and Mountain Top League (MTL), together with the West Orange ...

Summer 2018 Events at the West Orange Public Library

May 15, 2018

WEST ORANGE, NJ — Beginning in June, the West Orange Public Library will offer the following events for area residents of all ages:

Dinosaurs’ Rock!                                             

Monday, June 11, 4:00 p.m.

Field Station Dinosaur visits with the ...

10-Year-Old Cancer Patient Receives Donation from Randolph Hockey Family

May 21, 2018

RANDOLPH, NJ — While the inter-town hockey battles on the ice between Randolph and Roxbury are fierce at every age level, when it comes to real-life battles off the ice, there is no hesitation to offer help to their neighbor.

Such is the case with a recent gesture of unity and support from the members of the Randolph varsity hockey team, when they came together to ...

A Royal Pain

I went to a big wedding over the weekend.  It was in England.

I like to think I was invited, but according to the Royal Guards and the Thames Valley Police I was not.  But more about that later.

You see, not too long ago I received an evite addressed to me from H&M@royalwedbot.co.uk.  Curiously, it was in my spam folder with a warning message. For an evite it was pretty ...

'Turning Off the Morning News' brings comic twist

‘Turning Off the Morning News’ tackles today’s issues with a comic twist

By Liz Keill

PRINCETON, N J – Despite the late night comics, no one quite captures the insanity of the political/social status world like Christopher Durang.

His latest play, “Turning off the Morning News” hit the ground running.  John Pankow as Jimmy addresses the audience, ...

'To Kill a Mockingbird' Sustains Timeless Appeal

SUMMIT, NJ – The Summit Playhouse provides a stellar production of a much loved classic, “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

The Harper Lee novel, later a Gregory Peck film and now a stage production, retains all the warmth, intensity and integrity that made it such an appealing hit in the 1960s. And there will be a new production on Broadway in December with a script by Aaron Sorkin ...