Dad in the Box

Coffee, Tea or Fleas?

f87d19c0db5a719c6b3e_mouse-airlines.jpg
f87d19c0db5a719c6b3e_mouse-airlines.jpg
Two ducks are on a flight to Miami.  The first duck says to the second, “you flying south for the winter?”  The second duck replies, “Oh wow, a talking emotional support duck!”
 
Pa rum pum.
 
There have been a lot of news stories lately about animals traveling on airplanes.  Some are humorous, like the woman who recently tried to bring her pet peacock on a plane to Los Angeles.  And some, like the family that was forced to put their small bull dog in an oxygen deprived overhead compartment, end tragically.  
 
 
And some stories are just bewildering.  Like the most recent story of a German Shepherd flying to Kansas City landing in Tokyo.  The poor family expecting to collect their beloved pet at baggage claim were instead greeted by a Great Dane.  I mean, if you are going to misdirect a German Shepherd wouldn’t you at least expect him to wind up in Munich?  And where did the Great Dane come from?  Copenhagen? 
 
Cats, dogs, miniature horses, pigs, goats, parakeets, ducks, and goldfish.  All have traveled on airplanes as emotional support pets.  And according to the airlines, their numbers are on the rise.  So much so that airlines have recently cracked down on the kinds of animals that can be brought aboard their flying arks as pets free to roam about the cabin.
 
Cats and dogs are OK.  But other animals, likes snakes, rodents, or animals with tusks or talons may be turned away.   I am guessing piranha and killer whales are problematic too.  And maybe cockroaches.
 
And in order to bring your beloved pet onboard, you need to present a certificate from a mental health professional that your animal is, in fact, needed.  You may also have to come up with proof that the animal is well behaved and house trained.

 
Fortunately for me, that is pretty easy to get.  Because I am taking a long flight to San Francisco and I want to take my favorite gray mouse on the airplane with me. 
 
With very little effort I find a doctor that is willing to help. 
 
I can’t travel without my mouse, I tell her.  I get very anxious when I am on the road and it is not around.   
 
She asks what kind of mouse it is.  I tell her it is a wireless mouse.
 
She comments that I must be very attached to my mouse.  I say no, that’s the whole point.  It’s a wireless mouse. 
 
She asks if my mouse has a name.  I tell her Microsoft.
 
She asks if my mouse poops or pees frequently.  I tell her not at all, but I always keep in on a mouse pad anyway.
 
She wants to know how exactly my mouse supplies emotional support.
 
I explain to her that because of my long legs, sitting in cramped airline seats is very uncomfortable.  And with the tray table down there is barely enough room for my laptop and that because my fingers are so big I don’t have the dexterity to manipulate a trackpad efficiently.    
 
I tell her that due to my physical limitations I desperately need a mouse to operate my computer.  And because there is no room on the tray table for my mouse I am unable to use my computer and what with the guy next to me spilling out over the armrests and the lady in front of me crushing her seat back into my knee caps I get very anxious and need to access my laptop in order to maintain my sanity.
 
On long flights I like to watch Ace Ventura, Pet Detective I tell her.
 
I sell it pretty hard and request that the doctor classify my mouse as a service mouse so that I can maybe get a preferred seat with extra room.  But then I realize this is highly selfish, and unfair to those people with real disabilities that may need a service dog.  So I ask if she will classify my mouse as an emotional support mouse instead. 
 
She instantly agrees because I am actually communicating with her over an Internet chat window and have paid a small fee up front for the certification.  Besides, I doubt she is a real doctor.  She may not even be a she.  She is probably be a computer response bot somewhere in somebody’s bedroom.
 
At the flight gate I show the attendant my authentic support mouse certificate and ask please for a seat with some extra leg room and a place to comfortably hold my support mouse and use my computer.  Maybe something in first class, I suggest politely.
 
Regrettably, it doesn’t always work.  On my six hour flight my mouse and I were placed in a middle seat in the back row across from the restrooms.
 
Next to a woman with an emotional support cat. 
 
 

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

West Orange

Livingston Fitness Crawl: Five Days of Free Classes at 12 Livingston Businesses

April 22, 2018

LIVINGSTON, NJ — The public is invited to enjoy one free class at as many of Livingston’s fitness businesses as they would like during this week’s Livingston Fitness Crawl, beginning on April 23 and continuing through April 27.

For five days, no purchase is necessary at the following locations:

BARRE3 LIVINGSTON

CARDIO YOGA

CLUB PILATES LIVINGSTON

CYCLE BAR ...

Full Pet Grooming Service 25% OFF

LITTLE FALLS, NJ - Cloud Canine Grooming Salon & Spa in Little Falls is open for business and owner and pet stylist Melissa DiRoma is offering 25% off a FULL GROOMING SERVICE for all new customers. Call (973) 837-8884 or visit http://cloudcaninesalon.com to schedule your appointment. Mention promo code TAP DOG for discount. 

About Cloud ...

Free Wellness Event at The Joint Chiropractic

WEST CALDWELL, NJ — The public is invited to a "Wellness Event to Remember" at The Joint Chiropractic in West Caldwell on Thursday, April 19 from 7 p.m. to  9 p.m.

Guests will include:

Michael Piercy, owner of The Lab
Justyna Debski, owner of Revive Mind Body
Karen Caplan, owner of Nutrition Transitions

Join the ...

Luxury Facial Services 50% OFF

MILLBURN, NJ - DeAmour Salon & Spa is proud to announce its newest team member, Renee Rudikh, formerly of the famous Georgette Klinger Spa at the Short Hills Mall.

Rudikh has extensive experience and specializes in a plethora of facial styles including: deep pore cleansing/European, microdermabrasion with collagen, teenage, men's, back, LED and customized European ...

YMCA $0 Enrollment in April

LIVINGSTON, NJ - For the month of April, the West Essex YMCA is offer $0 enrollment. 

Take advantage of all that your local Y has to offer for the whole family!

Personal Training
Group Classes
Swimming
Camp
Childcare 
Low monthly membership
And much much more!...

Check out all that the Y has to offer HERE

About the West Essex YMCA:
The West Essex YMCA has ...

MAX Challenge of West Orange - 2 Weeks FREE and more...

WEST ORANGE, NJ - The MAX Challenge of West Orange is about to start its next challenge.  Sign up before April 9, and you will receive maximum benefits, including two weeks free!

NUTRITION... MOTIVATION... RESULTS..!

SIGN UP BEFORE APRIL 9TH AND GET THE 'TAP CHALLENGE' PROMO:

12 weeks for the price of 10
Unlimited fitness classes 
Nutritional ...

Essex County Executive Announces Improvements to County Parks System

April 22, 2018

ORANGE, NJ - Using the tennis courts in Essex County Irvington Park as the backdrop, Essex County Executive Joseph N. DiVincenzo, Jr. announced last week that the tennis courts in Irvington Park and Weequahic Park, and the basketball courts in Ivy Hill Park and Monte Irvin Orange Park will receive facelifts with new asphalt playing surfaces, equipment and fencing. The project is part of ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_db004570084548800c6c_jww_pgp_headshot

Wed, April 25, 7:00 PM

Temple Sharey Tefilo-Israel, South Orange

Taking a Stand for Menstrual Equity

Education

Carousel_image_ef0d6423aefa47ca7bd5_screen_shot_2018-03-16_at_4.56.35_pm

Thu, April 26, 5:30 PM

West Orange High School - Cafeteria, West Orange

Annual Spaghetti Dinner

Food & Drink

Letter to the Editor: Lions Club of West Orange Spaghetti Dinner

April 16, 2018

Dear Editor,

Since 1953, the Lions Club of West Orange has been recognized throughout the township for our service to the blind and visually impaired. A majority of the world’s eye banks, clinics, and eye research centers are established and supported by all Lions Clubs throughout the world.

We are men and women committed to helping provide quality eye care, eye ...

West Orange Community House Seeks Community Sponsors

April 17, 2018

WEST ORANGE, NJ — The Boys & Girls Club at the West Orange Community House (WOCH) has opened its new 9,000 square foot recreational facility at 250 Main Street in West Orange.

The WOCH has been supporting families of West Orange for 100 years, and needs help to continue providing much-needed recreational programs to West Orange. By placing an advertisement banner on the gym ...

Cluelessly Clueless

I teenaged my way through high school under the assumption that my parents had no idea what I was doing.  I like to think I was pretty good at withholding information and presenting situations in ways that were other than they really were.

 

Still, sometimes they found things out.  Like the time my friends plopped me on our front door step at one o'clock in the morning ...

'The Sting' shimmers and shakes at Paper Mill

‘The Sting ‘slithers and shakes at Paper Mill Playhouse

By LIZ KEILL

MILLBURN, NJ – In a premiere production of “The Sting,” Harry Connick Jr. commands the Paper Mill Playhouse stage in Millburn.

Based on the sensational Paul Newman/Robert Redford film in 1973, the 1930s plot centers on a con game and gambling, sometimes on a train between New York and ...