A Half-Baked Column

“I think it’s time we retired this oven,” I said to my husband as I displayed a sheet of blackened sweet potato fries. “Even the dog won’t eat these.”

“Sure he will,” he said, tossing some fries on the floor. The dog immediately sucked them down.

“Not my point,” I said.

Sign Up for E-News

We had known that our oven was on its last burners for quite some time. But it still worked, sort of, which was more than we could say about the prehistoric dishwasher or fridge, so those got replaced first. For years, I tried to convince myself that I really wasn’t jealous of my friends with their fancy stainless steel ovens with enough BTUs to power a rocket ship. But the truth was, I had major cooktop envy. I wanted a stove that could boil water in 6.2 seconds. I wanted an oven that not only cooked my salmon perfectly, but also caught it off the coast of Alaska, skinned it and cleaned it for me.

OK, maybe I wanted something that didn’t exist. But I wanted a stove that at least had actual numbers that weren’t rubbed off the dials so I didn’t have to guess whether I was baking or broiling.

And thus began our quest for the perfect oven. Armed with our pretty little internet oven pictures, we headed off to the appliance store.

“My old stove had one oven on top and a separate oven on the bottom so I could cook two things at one time,” I told the salesman. “Do you have any 30-inch stainless steel stoves like that?”

“Was your old oven 7 feet high and pale yellow?”

“Yes!” I said excitedly.

When he was done rolling on the floor laughing out loud, he helped us find something that was actually better than what I had and was also from this millennium. Then he showed us the price. I choked.

“You know, for this price, the thing really should be able to go to Alaska and catch us some fish,” I said.

“That’s the next model up,” he replied.

Finally, we had our stove. We set up a delivery time and then I waited home for eight hours so it could be delivered and installed.

When the big, new, shiny, stainless steel oven arrived, I immediately knew how my husband feels when he goes into a car dealership. I stared in reverence for a full minute and then I caressed the knobs, stroked the burners and polished a little streak away with the edge of my sleeve. It was truly a thing of beauty.

“So, how’s the new stove?” asked my husband when he got home that night.

“It’s pretty!” I gushed.

“I know it’s pretty,” he said. “But how does it cook?”

“Oh. Um,” I stammered. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I was so excited to get it, I forgot to go food shopping.”

For more Lost in Suburbia, follow Tracy on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Yorktown

Catching up with Westchester County Executive George Latimer

George Latimer, our new county executive, has been in office now for a little over half a year. I thought it might be a good time to check in with my friend to see how things were going. You can see the interview in its entirety on Channel 74 (Optimum) at 9 p.m. Wednesday nights.

What happened last November?

The election last November brought change throughout Westchester County. In my ...

A (Burnt) Toast to Love and Marriage, on the Rocks

In its first few moments, sitcom-style comedy “Clever Little Lies” grabs audience attention right away, with one of the most revealing wardrobe changes you’ll ever see on stage. It is done modestly but just provocatively enough to elicit vocal appreciation from amused patrons.

The fast-paced play, starring Richard Kline of TV comedy classic “Three’s ...

Assemblyman Kevin Byrne Looks Back on 2018 Legislative Session

July 17, 2018

There’s an old saying, “Our liberty is never safe when the New York State Legislature is in session.” There’s definitely some truth to that. This past legislative session I successfully fought back against several initiatives that would have added to our state’s crushing tax burden, added excessive regulations on businesses that hurt job creation and chipped away at ...

The Adventures of Superdog

I was always very impressed that my dog could bark on command and come when I called his name, until I read in the newspaper about a dog that saved his owner’s life by calling 9-1-1. Apparently, when his owner had a seizure, the dog pushed a speed-dial button for 9-1-1, barked into the receiver for help, and then opened the door when the responders arrived.

Honestly, though, it’s ...

If You See Something, Say Something

July 11, 2018

I am writing this letter because I see something different with the new Yorktown Town Board. I see an open government instead of a dictatorship with rubber stamps. I see the new Town Board working together for the best interests of the residents in Yorktown.

The auditor suggests in his report to not start a capital project without having the money first. A bad example is the Granite Knolls ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_4e4c638eba7b9d057333_782289e382fb71551284_bocce_open_play_6-19-18

Thu, July 19, 7:00 PM

Yorktown Heights

Bocce Open Play

Sports

Thu, July 19, 7:15 PM

Jack DeVito Veterans Memorial Field, Yorktown

Outdoor Movie Night

Arts & Entertainment

Sat, July 21, 12:00 PM

Club Fit, Jefferson Valley

Yoga for Women with Cancer

Health & Wellness

Yorktown Residents Named Ambassadors of Support-a-Walk

July 12, 2018

Two Yorktown residents have been named Walk Ambassadors for the Annual Support-a-Walk organized by Support Connection, a non-profit organization that provides support and services to people battling breast or ovarian cancer. This year's walk will take place on Oct. 7 (rain or shine) at FDR State Park.

Mary Heagle, Mohegan Lake

Heagle’s experience with breast cancer began when her ...