Lost In Suburbia

Packing Heat

“Are you leaving me?” asked my husband one night as he surveyed the contents of my closet on our bed.

“What? No!” I said. “Why would you think that?”

“Every single article of clothing you own is laid out on our bed,” he replied. “So I have to assume you are either leaving me or you have joined the armed services and if that’s the case, I really don’t think you’ll have any need for your daisy cardigan or your checkered capris.”

Sign Up for E-News

I looked over the vast array of clothing that was spread out across the room and I was impressed that he even noticed that I had all my clothing laid out on my bed. But I was even more impressed that he knew what capris were.

“I am not leaving you or joining the Navy Seals or bugging out because of an impending zombie apocalypse,” I assured him. “I’m simply packing.”

“For what? A three-year mission to mars?”

I gave him a snarly look and said, “NO, wise guy, for our vacation next week.”

And that is where I lost him. I saw his eyes glaze over and the blank look invade his face and I knew his mind had moved onto something more understandable like quantum physics.

To be fair, no one on the planet packs like do. Take someone who is OCD, happens to love clothes, and throw in a very small carry-on suitcase and you will have me: the manic pre-packer.

The urge to start packing for summer vacation usually hits sometime between St. Patrick’s Day and the annual Running of the Bulls. One day, I’m perfectly fine, and the next, I start scouting weather reports and pulling out clothes for every possible weather condition including a lava explosion (although we have no plans to visit a volcano) or being stranded on a giant iceberg after it breaks away from its Antarctic shelf (also not planning to visit any polar regions, but who knows, that’s what they said about the Titantic, too).

Then there’s the question of appropriate footwear for a variety of walking conditions including cobblestone streets, melting asphalt and the occasional primordial trail soup. Clearly it’s easy to see that one must be prepared for nearly every possible weather, dressy, casual, muddy, sunny, humid condition and fitting all that in a small carry-on suitcase had the definite possibility of giving me a stroke.

“Honey, this is crazy. You know ultimately you’re going to forget something, so just let all this go and pack the night before like I do,” he said willfully.

I harrumphed him and started my second thinning of the piles while he went down to watch something more interesting, like golf.

Finally I was all packed and feeling confident that I had done the best packing job anyone has ever done, ever, except maybe the people on the International Space Station.

As we unpacked our bags in our charming hotel, my husband stopped and looked around. Then he turned his suitcase upside down. Nothing fell out.

“Problem?” I asked.

“Yeah, kinda. I think I forgot to pack my underwear.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. But I think I know where it is,” I responded perkily.

“You do?”

“Yes. It’s in the top drawer of your dresser,” I replied.

“You know you’re crazy,” he said petulantly.

“Yes,” I said. “But at least I have my underwear.”

For more Lost in Suburbia, follow Tracy on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage and Twitter @TracyBeckerman.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Yorktown

Catching up with Westchester County Executive George Latimer

George Latimer, our new county executive, has been in office now for a little over half a year. I thought it might be a good time to check in with my friend to see how things were going. You can see the interview in its entirety on Channel 74 (Optimum) at 9 p.m. Wednesday nights.

What happened last November?

The election last November brought change throughout Westchester County. In my ...

A (Burnt) Toast to Love and Marriage, on the Rocks

In its first few moments, sitcom-style comedy “Clever Little Lies” grabs audience attention right away, with one of the most revealing wardrobe changes you’ll ever see on stage. It is done modestly but just provocatively enough to elicit vocal appreciation from amused patrons.

The fast-paced play, starring Richard Kline of TV comedy classic “Three’s ...

Assemblyman Kevin Byrne Looks Back on 2018 Legislative Session

July 17, 2018

There’s an old saying, “Our liberty is never safe when the New York State Legislature is in session.” There’s definitely some truth to that. This past legislative session I successfully fought back against several initiatives that would have added to our state’s crushing tax burden, added excessive regulations on businesses that hurt job creation and chipped away at ...

The Adventures of Superdog

I was always very impressed that my dog could bark on command and come when I called his name, until I read in the newspaper about a dog that saved his owner’s life by calling 9-1-1. Apparently, when his owner had a seizure, the dog pushed a speed-dial button for 9-1-1, barked into the receiver for help, and then opened the door when the responders arrived.

Honestly, though, it’s ...

If You See Something, Say Something

July 11, 2018

I am writing this letter because I see something different with the new Yorktown Town Board. I see an open government instead of a dictatorship with rubber stamps. I see the new Town Board working together for the best interests of the residents in Yorktown.

The auditor suggests in his report to not start a capital project without having the money first. A bad example is the Granite Knolls ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_4e4c638eba7b9d057333_782289e382fb71551284_bocce_open_play_6-19-18

Thu, July 19, 7:00 PM

Yorktown Heights

Bocce Open Play

Sports

Thu, July 19, 7:15 PM

Jack DeVito Veterans Memorial Field, Yorktown

Outdoor Movie Night

Arts & Entertainment

Sat, July 21, 12:00 PM

Club Fit, Jefferson Valley

Yoga for Women with Cancer

Health & Wellness

Yorktown Residents Named Ambassadors of Support-a-Walk

July 12, 2018

Two Yorktown residents have been named Walk Ambassadors for the Annual Support-a-Walk organized by Support Connection, a non-profit organization that provides support and services to people battling breast or ovarian cancer. This year's walk will take place on Oct. 7 (rain or shine) at FDR State Park.

Mary Heagle, Mohegan Lake

Heagle’s experience with breast cancer began when her ...